Brilliant Breakfast Club: Building a Community
Belonging. Community. Acceptance. These are things that many, if not all of us, crave. Even those of us who proudly wave our introvert flag still desire to be seen, heard, and loved. It is in our DNA to find “our people…our place.” As a young adult, I never felt like I fit in. I certainly wasn’t one of the popular kids, I was often ridiculed or even bullied for my physical differences and interests. I was the sensitive kid who despite my towering height, was an easy target standing out as different. It wasn’t until much later in life that I found my people. And the truth is, even to this day, I still have a difficult time feeling like I truly belong or fit into the world around me. As a successful, well-received, respected, neurotypical member of my many communities…I still feel like an outsider, an observer, someone who doesn’t actually “fit in.”
Now imagine what our autistic and neurodivergent members of the community feel like. Would they say they actually are members of our community at all? Do they feel included? Valued? Respected? Many of our students have shared that they do not. But you better believe it, they have also shared how deeply they crave these things just as much as anyone else. They long for belonging, they seek a community.
Building Our Own Community
For many of us, we have found our community of others. We find groups that share similar interests or values. Sometimes it can be difficult to find our group – or to find the courage to join once we do find them. Other times, when we cannot find the community we seek, we must get to work and build the community we desire.
Building a community among autistic young adults is crucial for their overall well-being and success in life. Autistic individuals, especially those who are still in the process of developing their social skills, can often feel isolated and alone. Without a sense of belonging and acceptance, many may struggle with mental health issues such as depression and anxiety. According to Rogers Behavioral Health: 70% of kids with ASD have at least one mental health disorder, 41% to 50% of kids have two or more mental health conditions, and Anxiety affects about half of those with ASD who have a mental health condition.
At Islands of Brilliance (IOB), we’ve provided a space for our participants who are 18 years or older to form their own community, the Brilliant Breakfast Club (BBC). Beginning in 2019, BBC was formed to provide a connection with peers around daily living skills and shared lived experiences. We meet once per month in person and weekly online for continued conversation and skill development.
An integrated experience, BBC touches on five pillars of Finances, Healthy Living, Advocacy and Planning, Social Development, and Transportation. Our in-person experience begins by meeting at a local restaurant where participants order and pay for their meal…always remembering to factor in the tip (finances and healthy living). They catch up with each other around the table and often have lively conversations of “would you rather?” (social development). We then navigate the public transportation system to a second location in the community (transportation and planning). At our final stop for the day we participate in an activity in the community which can range from a trip to the museum, grocery shopping and then cooking at the Public Market, or volunteering to plant and clean up at the Urban Ecology Center to name just a few.
Community Through Shared Lived Experiences
It is important to provide opportunities for autistic young adults to connect with people who share their experiences. Through BBC, we have created a safe space where they can share their thoughts, feelings, and struggles. By connecting with both their neurodivergent peers, as well as our neurotypical young adults who also participate in the program, our participants have found a community that understands and accepts each other, a place they can feel less alone and more supported.
Building On Strengths
At IOB, all of our programs are built on the strengths of each individual, meeting them where they are. At BBC, we are sure to acknowledge and validate each of our participants' unique strengths and abilities. Whether it is around the breakfast table or during the “table topics” of the virtual meetings, participants share what’s going on in their lives, both successes and challenges. The support and validation they receive contribute to a positive impact on their self-esteem and overall well-being.
Ownership Within The Community
Brilliant Breakfast Club participant, Alec, adds topics he’d like to explore in future sessions.
While the staff at IOB created BBC, our participants’ voices are a major contributor to the growth and development of the program. Throughout the year we have brainstorming sessions where the participants share the topics they would like to explore and learn more about. From these sessions, we create a curriculum to share our experiences, best practices, and general life hacks that lead to engaging conversations amongst the group.
From building upon the five pillars of BBC to fun social topics and activities, our participants and mentors share each of our unique experiences to help each other grow and develop our daily living skills.
Celebrating Diversity
Every individual with autism is different and unique, so we should expect that their needs and experiences will also be different. Therefore, it is important to focus on building a community that is inclusive and understanding of the diversity within the autism spectrum. Building a community that is inclusive of all types of diversity, including race, gender, sexual orientation, and socioeconomic status, is equally crucial in creating a supportive and understanding environment for autistic young adults.
Members of the Brilliant Breakfast Club gather at the Milwaukee Public Market to decorate holiday cookies.
We often hear that autistic individuals have difficulty forming relationships or showing empathy. At IOB, our mission is built around changing perceptions. And this is one perception that I see changed time and time again. While at first, some participants may have a difficult time understanding someone who is different from them, their often blunt communication and bold curiosity cut through to direct conversations which lead to an understanding and respect for each other. Their desire for justice and empathy which comes from often being labeled an “other” themselves, leads to strong, vocal advocates for equality and inclusion of all people.
Building Trust
Building a community is a continuous process, and it is something that can take a while to achieve. Building a supportive and understanding community takes time, effort, and patience, but the end result is worth it.
Most importantly, it takes time to build trust among each other. As a community of 18+ individuals, the conversations we have in BBC are honest and real. These are conversations that many of the participants might not have in other areas of their lives. They can range from the important, but light topics of DC vs. Marvel or how Disney destroyed Star Wars (but is making up for it with the Mandalorian and Obi-Wan) to the very serious topics of mental health, dreams, desires, and relationships. Just like the pillars of BBC being integrated into the experiences, it is often interesting how these topics are woven into what often seems like a frivolous conversation. I am always honored and amazed by the trust and respect that the group holds for each other when they share their own personal stories and feelings.
A Branching Community, Laying Deep Roots
The IOB community expands beyond our participants to their families as well. I love to receive phone calls and updates from their parents letting us know where we can nudge someone a little further along their path. As well as hearing the impact our program is having outside of our time together.
This summer I received a phone call from one of our parents, Tanika. She had just come across the IOB Instagram account, @iobmke. She was scrolling through the feed and was touched by seeing how many times her daughter, Makenzie, showed up in various photos of our BBC outings. She shared how seeing these photos helped her realize the growth and independence she sees in Makenzie. It showed her how the team at IOB and the participants of BBC truly are her people.
I asked Tanika what she sees as some of the magic of BBC. She said, “It allows these young adults to be adults. To explore their city and do things that they sometimes aren’t allowed to do because we as parents hover too much.” She shared that she often tells Makenzie that she wants to join the BBC group and eat at new, fun restaurants. But Makenzie has taken ownership of her BBC experience and tells her, “No mom, this is mine. It’s for me.” Makenzie has found her community.
Tanika also shared, “I would encourage every parent to try it at least once. Your child will love it. You’ll always be surprised by the things that come out of it through the thoughtfully planned sessions.”
An Invitation To Join Us
Brilliant Breakfast Club meets every Friday morning online from 10:00 to 11:00 am. Our in-person experiences take place in Milwaukee on the second Wednesday of each month from 9:00 am to noon. We’d love to welcome your young adult into our beautifully brilliant community!
