Navigating IEPs: Ideas for Positive and Productive Conversations

Wow, how exciting–school is back in session!

So how does that make you feel? Excited, nervous, or just numb?

2020 and into 2021 brought lots of challenges and changes to the school experience for ALL students. From what we are hearing, it was often a lot harder for those students who benefit from more support.

For those families that have a student with an IEP, a new school year can bring an opportunity to review and discuss that plan. Here are a few ideas on how to help navigate those discussions and breathe a little easier.

Before we dive in, let’s be real.

Having an IEP is supposed to help. But often it is more confusing or frustrating. I remember my first IEP with our son Harry. Honestly, I felt like a deer in headlights, with acronyms flying and hearing all of the things my son was struggling to do. I wish I’d known then what I know now. Ideally, if you have a loved one who needs an IEP, remember what that stands for–an Individual Education Plan. That means it should be designed for your child. And it involves a team! You and the school are part of that team. But the real person who needs to be involved is the student. So often I work with students who don’t even know they have an IEP. I guess that makes sense if your loved one has significant communication challenges or might be too young to understand, but there are always ways to get your student involved.

Does your son or daughter KNOW that they have an IEP? If not, why not?

Remember, this is their plan–not yours. Always keep the student front and center. And feel free to remind the school of that as well. I recommend having your son or daughter attend the meeting so everyone in the room has that beautiful individual as their focus as the conversation progresses.

What I have done for all of the students I work with is have them share their “Glows and Grows”.

Start with something they are really proud of such as an accomplishment that they can speak to. I think it's a fabulous way to start the meeting. Part of this conversation includes goal setting–I always ask my students to really think about something they need to work on–with support of course.

Not sure where to start? Here is a great resource to help you decide how and when to include your child in their IEP.

Source: A Day In Our Shoes

If you would like some ideas on how to inform your loved one that they have an IEP, here are some suggestions:

Start by acknowledging your child’s diagnosis. Sometimes, parents avoid conversations about a child’s diagnosis. They fear bringing up the subject will make their child feel bad or that it will cause a child to think they can’t succeed.

Ultimately, ignoring the topic does kids a great disservice. A child who isn’t told they have autism may not understand why they struggle with peer relationships. They may make incorrect assumptions about themself and grow to believe they're unlikable.

Similarly, a child who isn't aware they have been diagnosed with a learning disability may think they're stupid. Some students feel relief when they understand that their struggles stem from a learning disability that causes them to learn a little differently than most of their peers. Acknowledge your child’s IEP and be willing to talk about it.

Using books in the discussion can be a great way to broach a topic that makes you uncomfortable. When you are unsure of where to start or don’t quite have the words to hold a needed discussion, bring out a book! There are tons of them that span a range of ages, topics, and formats. I personally love children’s books (regardless of age) as they provide great information in a format that is easy to understand and deliver. Here are some of our favorite picture books to share with your child.

Be transparent about what’s in your child’s IEP. Obviously some of the language will need to be simplified. However, students should know that they have goals and what they are, what their strengths are, which areas they are working on along with the supports they have, and when they should be getting them. This discussion does not have to be a boring, paperwork-filled experience but rather an empowering conversation that provides your student ownership over their plan.

This IEP Scavenger Hunt is a fun way to explore your child’s IEP with them. This resource is an activity to help kids and young adults understand their Individualized Education Plans. Understanding one’s own diagnosis is an important step in being able to work through individual challenges, advocate for oneself, and ultimately meet goals. With this scavenger hunt activity, kids and young adults are the ones reviewing their own plans to really understand them and what is included. This is a great way to prep for an upcoming IEP meeting or as a post-meeting review of what was created.

Involve your child! Have your child recognize when they need support in their day. Ask your child to give their suggestions on how to manage their challenges.

“Is your head hurting at the same time every day, and you need a break? Would a shorter vocab list save you hours of studying? Do you need someone to read the directions out loud or repeat them so you can better understand? Would a private signal help you give messages to your teachers without voicing your issues in front of your classmates? You know–better than anyone else–what you need.”

Remember, having an IEP means working as a team.

Having participated in IEP meetings on both sides of this process–as a parent and also as an educator–the best thing you can do is to be prepared for a long conversation and some compromise. Most schools truly try their best to provide all they can. Sadly, schools do have limits both with funding and with (at times) staffing. Therefore, coming in with new ideas, creative ways to problem solve, and the readiness to work WITH the team rather than preparing for a battle will help get more done. One parent shared that she took the word “no” out of the vocabulary during these meetings. She also shared that she was a big part in coming up with creative solutions as well. Providing ideas for community partnerships is a great start. Offering to take on data collection outside of the classroom is also a way to show that you want to be part of the solution/plan. Sharing the incredible insights of the home and community environment is often something that schools welcome as students spend most of their time outside of school.

Make sure to have your son or daughter OWN, and I mean really OWN one of their goals.

We shared earlier the idea of "Glows and Grows." This is a great way to build in self-advocacy and self-determination. Help your loved one come up with an attainable goal–not something that makes them feel defeated. Break things down–long term goals are much harder but the satisfaction of that accomplishment is so meaningful.

At the end of the day having an IEP should make your child’s life easier but if your child does not even know they have one or what it entails, IEP’s can often just become a bunch of papers that get looked at once a year. When a child is educated on what they need and how they learn best, an IEP can be the vehicle which helps them succeed. Students that help write their IEPs, assess their own goals, help set new ones, and share that information for themselves at their meetings have increased buy-in to those goals and thus greater success in the long run. We know it is not an easy journey but the road can be much easier when your child stays at the forefront of their IEP team and that starts with involving them in the process!

Our final suggestion...it's a good one and it's easy!

Adopt our IEP mantra: Start small, celebrate successes and never stop advocating. You got this.

Banner Photo by Taylor Flowe on Unsplash